The FOTR at Eighth Lake
by retroslug
Summary: The Fellowship gets transported to Earth and to a Family Camping Trip at Eighth Lake!


Day One  
  
Narrator: My story begins on a dark rainy night when four drenched hobbits stumble into a small inn called "The Inn of the Prancing Pony". A tall rough-looking man has just pulled one of the hobbits into a room.  
  
Frodo: Who are you?  
  
Aragorn: Are you frightened? (pauses) Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.  
  
Narrator: At this point Sam, Merry, and Pippen burst in, screaming and brandishing chairs, candlesticks, and fists.  
  
Sam: Back off or I'll have you!  
  
Aragorn: You have a stout heart young hobbit, but that will not save you...  
  
Narrator: All of a sudden someone in an odd-looking uniform runs in and yells, "Beam me up, Scotty!" then the man disappears and the room is replaced with dense foliage.  
  
Frodo: Where are we?  
  
Narrator: Aragorn hands them all swords and warns them to stick close.  
  
Sam: I don't like this, Mister Frodo, I don't like this one bit!  
  
Pippin: Right, where do we find the food?  
  
Merry: I don't think we planned on this, Pip!  
  
Pippin: WHAT! NO FOOD? What fool packed for this mission, quest, thing?  
  
Aragorn: Merry is right, Pippin, this journey wasn't planned. We do not stop till nightfall. Remember keep close to me.  
  
Narrator: They wander in circles till dark when they hear some music. Pippin runs toward the noise in search of food. Merry and the others, who by now are faint with hunger, follow warily. Suddenly, they are surrounded by five, giggling fan girls!  
  
Pippin: So...(gasps) hungry! (begins to whimper pitiably)  
  
Sam: Aragorn, (wheeze) where are (wheeze) we?  
  
Aragorn: Who are you, strangers? Are you our friends or enemies? Whom do you stand behind?  
  
Fan Girl #1: I'm standing behind Amber! (sounds pleased with herself)  
  
Fan Girl #2: No, no, Imbecile! He meant whose side are we fighting on!  
  
Fan Girl #1: Oh...(looks at #2 blankly)  
  
Fan Girl #3: Um, girls, I think I know who these guys are! (turns to Aragorn) We fight to destroy Sauron forever!  
  
Fan Girl #4: Hey! You guys are from Lord of the Rings! Pippin, are you all right? Someone, get some food!  
  
Narrator: Meanwhile, Fan Girl #5 runs to hug Aragorn, Fan Girls #1 and #2 scream in unison, "Where's Legolas?". Fan Girl #3 gets food for the fellowship. Fan Girl #4 feeds Pippin with a baby spoon. Fan Girl #2 realizes that Frodo is here and gives him a hug.  
  
Fan Girl #2: Frodo, you have a big neck, but you are awesome anyway!  
  
Frodo: You think I'm awesome?  
  
Fan Girl #1: Traitor! Idiot! Moron!  
  
Frodo: You think I'm awesome?  
  
Sam: Next person to say anything about Frodo's neck dies! (begins to wave his sword around frantically.)  
  
Narrator: Hearing this, all the fan girls join in a circle singing, "Frodo has a big neck!" until Aragorn screams, "ENOUGH!" Frodo is sitting in a corner hugging his knees, rocking back and forth, and muttering, "They think I'm awesome!" to himself over and over again.  
  
Merry: Does anyone have any more food?  
  
Fan Girl #3: I do. Here. (she hands him a loaf of bread)  
  
Merry: Mine's Merriadock Brandybuck. But everyone calls me Merry. (he takes a bite of the plastic wrapped bread and gags.)  
  
Nutty Gummy: You are supposed to take the plastic off first, Merry! (she starts laughing hysterically then stops to help Merry take the mangled loaf out of his mouth.)  
  
Narrator: Meanwhile...  
  
Fan Girl #4: Pippin, are you feeling better? How many fingers am I holding up? (she holds up two fingers.)  
  
Pippin: I'm Fine! (struggles to sit up.) Two fingers!  
  
Fan Girl #4: Oh, you must have hit your head! I'm holding up four fingers!  
  
Fan Girl #2: (leans over to #4 and whispers) Amber, you are holding up two fingers!  
  
Fan Girl #4: Oh, I guess you're right! Pippin you must be feeling better then! Oh yeah, I'm Amber, and I already know you.  
  
Fan Girl #2: I'm Stephanie. It's a pleasure to meet you, Pippin.  
  
Pippin: Yeah you too! Who are they? (points at Nutty Gummy, #1, and #5)  
  
Amber: The girl with Merry is my big sister, Nutty Gummy, the one by Aragorn is Paula (#5), and the girl by herself is Becca (#1).  
  
Narrator: Seeing Becca alone, Stephanie runs over to her, and they begin to talk.  
  
Stephanie: Eureka! Eureka! Hey Becky! I thought of a way to get Legolas here!  
  
Becca: Really? How? And by the way, MY NAME IS BECCA!!  
  
Stephanie: If we click our heels together three times, and say "There is no elf like Legolas!" over and over, we might be able to transport him!  
  
Becca: Yay! Let's try it!  
  
Narrator: So, they tried it, and much to their disappointment, it didn't work.  
  
Becca: See, it didn't work! I told you that it was a stupid idea!  
  
Stephanie: It was a better idea than you could have come up with any day! (she sticks out her tongue and waggles it at Becca)  
  
Narrator: Meanwhile, back in Rivendell, the remainder of the fellowship had arrived.  
  
Boromir: My father grows weak.  
  
Gimli: Will you shut up about that already?  
  
Boromir: (grins evilly) Nope! MY FATHER"S RULE IS FAILING!  
  
Gimli: If you don't shut up NOW, then I will call the orcs over and see what they think!  
  
Legolas and Gandalf: SHUT UP!  
  
Narrator: At that very moment, Elrond walks up to them.  
  
Elrond: Pack quickly all of you! Come to the Council Room when you are finished. We have an emergency!  
  
Narrator: Forgetting all the arguments of a moment before, they rushed to their rooms, bundled their stuff into a saddlebag, and raced to the Council Room.  
  
Elrond: A day ago, a ranger and four hobbits went missing. One of the hobbits, Frodo, carried the one ring. We think they may be in trouble.  
  
Gandalf: Hobbits really are idiotic creatures. You can know everything about them, and still be surprised by their stupidity. (grins and asks, "wasn't that how my line went?")  
  
Elrond: Who will go and find them?  
  
Narrator: Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Boromir, and Glorifindel raise their hands.  
  
Elrond: You must leave immediately and head for the last place they were seen.  
  
Gandalf: My heart tells me that some mysterious evil has overcome them. We must hurry if we are to save them.  
  
Boromir: Gandalf, do you have a heart murmur?  
  
Glorifindel: How are we to find them?  
  
Gandalf: We must track them.  
  
Gimli: (whining voice) I hate tracking! Anytime anyone gets lost it is "Let's track them, don't worry about the dwarf who can't run cross- country." Us dwarves are natural sprinters.  
  
Legolas: I get to track a ranger? Yes! Let's hunt some hobbit! (makes all the fan girls faint with a heart-stopping grin)  
  
Narrator: And so the five set out to track the missing five. Towards midday, they found footprints leading to a circular clearing. Then a young man ran up and introduced himself as, "King Caspian the Tenth, of Narnia. Then he blew into a magic horn. The clearing began to ring and swirl, and the five found themselves standing beside two fan girls.  
  
Stephanie and Becca: Legolas!!!! Hooray!!!! Yipppeeeeeee! (they both give Legolas giant hugs.)  
  
Stephanie: Ugh! Boromir is here? (she pretends to vomit)  
  
Becca: (gazes starstruck at Glorifindel) Hi, are you Glorifindel? My name is Becca.  
  
Glorifindel: Yup! You can call me Finny if you like. Is Becca your real name?  
  
Becca: Nope. It's Rebecca Ann Dinkel.  
  
Narrator: Meanwhile, Boromir is introduced to one of the musicians, Katie.  
  
Katie: Hi Boromir!  
  
Boromir: Hi Katie! Hey, what color would you say my hair is? Everybody tells me that it is red, but since I'm colorblind, I can't tell if they are lying to me.  
  
Katie: I would say it was dark brown. Mine is...  
  
Narrator: At that moment she is interrupted by her sister, Stephanie.  
  
Stephanie: Hey, Copperwire!  
  
Katie: For the last time, Stephanie, MY HAIR IS BROWN!  
  
Stephanie: RED!  
  
Katie: BROWN!  
  
Stephanie: RED!  
  
Katie: BROWN!  
  
Stephanie: RED!  
  
Narrator: This goes on for several minutes until Gandalf comes up and screams for ten minutes straight. This shocks them into silence and they forget what they were arguing about. Boromir gets bored and goes to annoy Frodo. Meanwhile...  
  
Merry: Nutty Gummy, you people sure have some weird food!  
  
Nutty Gummy: Thank you! (she yawns) Oh, am I tired! Maybe I should turn in for the night. Uh-Oh! Where are you guys going to sleep?  
  
Merry: I dunno. Do you have anymore Skittles?  
  
Nutty Gummy: Nope!  
  
Innocent Bystander: It is dark in the Narrator's office. A masked teenage girl with incredibly long hair sneaks through the open door and sings opera style at the top of her lungs, "I am the Lorax and I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues!" The girl ties and gags the Narrator. She announces, "I am not the Lorax! I am Slug the invincible and I've come to take over your fan-fiction. For I am the Authoress and I'll add what I please. If I let you continue to narrate my story, you have to let me add in whatever I want to. Agreed?" The Narrator grunts and nods his head. "Good!" says the Lorax/Slug/Authoress. She releases the Narrator who scowls darkly at the Slug.  
  
Narrator: Back to the story. Excuse the interruption. (scowls) Anyway, time to visit Frodo and Sam.  
  
Frodo: Sam, they think we're awesome!  
  
Sam: Mister Frodo, are you alright? You've been acting strange ever since you met these folks.  
  
Frodo: No, Sam! These people are fine. It's just the ring is getting less and less fireproof. I'm worried that Gandalf will throw it in the fire again and that it will melt.  
  
Narrator: At precisely that moment...  
  
Slug: ... Slug interrupts. Ahem! (she throws a Frisbee at the hobbits, managing to hit the fleeing Boromir in the head.) Now that's better isn't it? (she smiles sweetly at the Narrator.)  
  
Narrator: So Frodo and Sam amuse themselves for a while by throwing the Frisbee at each other and Boromir. A few minutes later they are joined by the musicians. Meanwhile Becca and Finny carry on a lively conversation.  
  
Finny: So, Becca, you take ballet?  
  
Becca: Yes, I love to dance. I also love to listen to music and write stories. What do you do for amusement?  
  
Finny: I swim, I read, I practice archery, I sing, I write poetry. Whatever keeps me from going out of my mind with boredom.  
  
Becca: Did you know that I sing in my church choir?  
  
Finny: I did not know that. Wow, you sound like you don't have a lot of time to just wander through the woods and think. That is my favorite thing to do. Oh, and I can knit and crochet.  
  
Becca: Man, Finny, you should meet Stephanie.  
  
Finny: Why? I don't see why I should meet Stephanie.  
  
Becca: Never mind.  
  
Finny: Where are we?  
  
Becca: We are at Eighth Lake. Stephanie and her family were going camping, and they invited all of us girls to come with them. Two more are coming tomorrow too. Then we will have Becca, Paula, Nutty Gummy, Amber, Shelby, and Sarah with us. Pretty neat huh?  
  
Narrator: By this time, Legolas, Aragorn, Gandalf, Gimli, and Boromir have all joined the ongoing Frisbee game. Stephanie and Katie have gone to talk to Amber, Pippen, Tara, Merry, and Paula. Becca and Finny go and join the group.  
  
Slug: Ha! (turns invisible and places a ring of chairs for the group) I can be INVISIBLE!  
  
Pippen: So, Stephanie, do you know how we got here?  
  
Stephanie: Nope, hey do you know whose idea it was to bring Boromir along?  
  
Amber: (taunting voice) It was all Legolas's idea! (smirks)  
  
Finny: 


End file.
